Last Moments

So in August I experienced my last first day of high school. The last first day before adulthood. For most people, the first day of school symbolizes things like new beginnings. It’s the start of a whole new year that you want to make count. When it comes to your senior year of high school, you definitely want to make it count, by doing your best and making yourself known, unless you are me. I like to just blend in and not draw attention to myself. However, I do want to make this year count for something. I’m not sure what I want to do yet, but I hope that I eventually figure it out. I really want to try something completely different, what that is, I don’t know, but I want to do something that no one would really expect me to do, that still is within reason; I don’t plan to break any rules or the law. I wouldn’t be happy with the thought that I went my entire childhood always doing what’s expected of me, but I also probably won’t do anything remotely different this whole entire school year because too scared. With this being my last year, it feels like time has just gone by. It still feels really slow as the days drag on and on, but I do and don’t miss my childhood. Being an adult is a scary thought to me. What if I crash and burn in life? I have enough mediocre fears already, I don’t need adult fears as well. I’m not a fan of being out in the real world all alone, with no one to depend on but myself. This year also marks the last time that I will see most of my friends. It’s depressing to think that even the people I have been friends with for the past five or six years I may not even talk to them in a few year, especially considering I have terrible communication skills. I’m bad at making new friends, I don’t know how I ever made the ones that I did, but thank you guys for dealing with my bad social skills and being some of the best friends that I will ever have. I have great memories with all of you, some bad ones too of course, but the greta ones will always make the others seem like small issues in comparison. How am I expected to just walk away from the only life I’ve ever known and start my own? What I consider independence now is nothing. I can’t live life on my own. The world is a scary place, and I’m definitely not ready to face it. Maybe by the August comes back around and I”m headed to college I will be ready, but I doubt it. Leaving this life will probably be the hardest, and scariest thing that I will ever do in my life, but I know that it’s something that must happen eventually. I high;y doubt that I will be ready, but even if I’m not I will be thrown into an unknown lifestyle and forced to face the struggles of being an adult. I will crash and burn a few times, but in time I feel I will finally be able to handle it, if I can just get through the beginning. Until that time comes I’m just going to enjoy what little tie I have left with my childhood and all of my friends before the life of uncertainty and reality comes and gives me a wake up call.